When I finally woke up, she wasn’t there. She was in the pool, submerged: she could not swim.
Tag: trauma
I feel better and also worse after my last post. I don’t know what to make of the issues I was pondering, including issues of place and belonging, that I did not directly touch on to write my last post. It did not make my life better to work out the issues I raised with […]
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Dislocations
I had bad dreams last night. Something had happened–a natural disaster perhaps. We were looking for a place to sleep. Imagine it: a city full of people suddenly homeless and wandering in herds like sheep, looking for an empty house still standing, a bed. The strange thing is that we found them. Someone was with […]
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Repatriation
Life goes on. It’s easy and also difficult to live, because the change is complete, total. The feeling of mourning is heavy. Azar Nafisi said in her book Reading Lolita in Tehran: “You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place… like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll […]
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The nature of memory
Memory is slippery. To begin with, there are things in my past I don’t remember clearly, either because I was very young or because I was too horrified. I do “remember” some things that are so shocking I sometimes think I made them up to be dramatic and at other times they feel so real […]
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Not too little, not too much
I am thinking about attachment today. I believe there is an intersection between attachment and the two brain systems. Secure attachment can be seen as a way of thinking in which the two systems are integrated and the two work smoothly together.
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All is well
When I was young, my mother yelled at me for writing. I loved to write difficult and painful subjects. It’s still true of me. I don’t write positive articles or encouragement. Life is full of difficulties. If we understand it, life is easier. There is no difficulty that cannot be overcome. I’m always seeking to understand. It is my philosophy of life.
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Fears
I know why I’m scared. It’s not just the fear of a blank sheet that everyone has. It is because of my mother and our attachment in my childhood. The residue is very deep and very durable.
I understand that motive for murder, but I don’t want to understand it. It’s horrifying. The impression of evil is very heavy. There is no greater harm than giving our suffering to another.
I told you my friend was murdered at the end of October. The night of Halloween, in fact, when I was thirteen. Because of this, October is difficult for me. Most years I wait for November like the turn of a messiah. Near October 31, life is slowly getting easier and less painful for me. […]
Holland 