When I was young, my mother yelled at me for writing. I loved to write difficult and painful subjects. It’s still true of me. I don’t write positive articles or encouragement. Life is full of difficulties. If we understand it, life is easier. There is no difficulty that cannot be overcome. I’m always seeking to understand. It is my philosophy of life.
I know why I’m scared. It’s not just the fear of a blank sheet that everyone has. It is because of my mother and our attachment in my childhood. The residue is very deep and very durable.
I’m talking about disorganized attachment and abusive relationships that distort my thoughts and expectations. I am more aware of my little problems because I feel hurt. I feel hurt because I was hurt in the past when I tried to be seen and to be recognized most likely by my parents and my mother in particular.
I understand that motive for murder, but I don’t want to understand it. It’s horrifying. The impression of evil is very heavy. There is no greater harm than giving our suffering to another.
Holland 